It isn’t unusual for a students to have some anxiety at the beginning of the school year. In fact, I spend a good chunck of my time calming down crying children that first week of school. But for some students, school causes so much anxiety that they will do anything to avoid going. This behavior is called school refusal.
Student's who fall in this category are students who are cronically absent, constantly ask to see the school nurse, or who cry excessively as the school day is starting. Once any medical issue is ruled out, it is time for the school counselor to step in.
Here is some information on school anxiety/refusal:
School Anxiety/Refusal
School refusal is a BEHAVIOR and a CHOICE!
The student thinks: When I don’t
feel well I CAN’T go to school.
CHOICE A: FLIGHT
|
CHOICE B: FIGHT
|
I’m not going to
school because I don’t feel good.
|
I will use my
coping strategies to get to school.
|
Somatic Symptoms: Stomach
aches, headaches, nausea, vomiting
These symptoms most often occur during PE, Math and lunch.
What
causes school anxiety/refusal?
Starting school, moving, and other stressful life events
may trigger the onset of school refusal. Other reasons include the child’s fear
that something will happen to a parent after he is in school, fear that she
won’t do well in school, or fear of another student.
Often a symptom of a deeper problem, anxiety-based school
refusal affects 2 to 5 percent of school-age children. It commonly takes place
between the ages of five and six and between ten and eleven, and at times of
transition, such as entering middle and high school.
Children who suffer from school
refusal tend to have average or above-average intelligence. But they may
develop serious educational or social problems if their fears and anxiety keep
them away from school and friends for any length of time.
There are four functions of school refusal:
·
Avoidance of negative affect (somatic symptoms)
·
Escape from evaluative or
social situations (social phobia, OCD, perfectionism)
·
Attention seeking behaviors
(separation anxiety, gaining sympathy from family)
·
Pursuit of tangible
reinforces (video games, internet, sleep, drug use)
If you allow your student to stay home:
·
Their world gets smaller and smaller. Anxiety starts with school and then it
spreads to other situations/places.
·
Your child will not learn to
manage feelings of discomfort.
·
Your child will not learn to
experience disappointment.
·
Your child will not learn
appropriate conflict resolution.
·
You child will not learn how
to appropriately communicate his/her needs.
·
As an adult they will stay
home from work when they experience somatic symptoms.
·
You are teaching your child
that they CANNOT manage.
·
You are sending a message to
your child that they cannot handle school.
·
Your child may turn to
unhealthy ways of dealing with anxiety as they get older-such as alcohol,
drugs, self-harm, etc…
School Anxiety/Refusal Parent tips
Things you should NEVER say to your child when they are feeling anxious:
·
You’re not sick
·
You are making yourself sick
·
You will be fine
·
You’re going to have a great
day
What you SHOULD say to your child:
·
How do we manage that
feeling? (ask once)
·
I know you and I know that you can do
this. Tell me what you are going to do
if you start to feel sick. (once)
·
Nothing else-Do not respond
to pleas to stay home or complaints about somatic symptoms.
Parents need to:
·
Be consistent!
·
Talk to the student the
night before
·
Show that the PARENT is in
charge
·
Have the child ride the bus
when possible
·
Make being sick
unpleasant-no tv, no attention, no sympathy
Do NOT:
·
Let your child manipulate
you
·
Show that you are upset
·
Give in!
·
Act anxious yourself-this
makes the child more anxious
·
Coax or reassure-the child
needs to take responsibility
·
Dote on your child when they
are sick. This reinforces the behavior
·
Talk about the
teacher/school/other staff in a negative way in front of the child
What the school counselor can do:
·
Provide information about
anxiety
·
Give suggested response
techniques
·
Graph anxiety
·
Teach ways to manage somatic
symptoms
·
Analyze situations that
cause anxiety
·
Match student up with a peer
·
Provide fidgets, stress
balls
·
Provide time for
journal/drawing
·
Match physical symptoms with
coping skills and provide time to practice
·
Teach mindfulness and
grounding techniques
·
Provide a worry box
I will be sharing a 6-week unit on school anxiety/refusal in an upcoming post.
